Managing Life Transitions  

Michelle Matthias

Life is dynamic, not static. Life’s journey is marked by transitions. Transition is about change. Some minor; some major. Some positive; some negative. Some exciting; some sad. The point is that life is filled with transitions whether we are prepared or not; it is inevitable.

Life transitions can be marked by positive emotions like joy, hope, peace, and negative emotions like worry, doubt, anxiety, depression, grief, or loss.

Life transitions can run smoothly or they can be challenging. People often struggle to adjust to change and may find these periods of life to be highly stressful and perhaps distressing even when the change is positive and will improve quality of life.

Some Examples of Life Transitions

• Starting or ending a relationship
• Getting married
• Divorce, separation, or working through infidelity
• The arrival of a new baby
• Parenting an infant, child, or adolescent
• Moving away from home
• Starting a new job, or getting a promotion
• Buying, selling a home, or moving
• Adjustment to college or a new school
• Loss of a job, retirement, or career changes
• Significant financial gain or loss
• Health issues
• Empty nesting
• Death

Tips for dealing with transitions

1. Acknowledge and accept rather than resist and resent …
2. Stay positive and see it as an opportunity …
3. Look after your health and wellbeing …
4. Having conflicting emotions are natural …
5. Moving forward requires us to leave some things behind …
6. Be willing to act; staying stuck gets you no further …
7. Leverage your support system …
8. Reduce the negative impact by holding on to a positive outlook …

We are creatures of habit and change can be seen as disruptive especially when not anticipated. Having a positive and realistic response is beneficial and healthy in all transitions that we may encounter. Transitions give us cause to pause and evaluate where we are coming from; where we are at; and where we would like to go.

With that being said, it is time for me to do just that. So for now I will pause this blog as I evaluate, strategize, and transition. Much gratitude to all those who read and commented.

Having a positive and realistic response is beneficial and healthy in all transitions that we may encounter.

What’s In Your Cup?  

Michelle Matthias

Recently I heard Emmanuel Acho, author of “Uncomfortable Conversations…,” in an interview and he said, “you cannot pour from an empty cup.” I found it to be profound and so I tried to find its origin. Well, let’s just say it is a well-known saying that has been frequently used in psychological circles as it pertains to self-care.

It held significant interest to me personally because each week as I write I wonder if it is my last post. I truly believe that I cannot give what I do not have and sometimes I have to wait and see how I will be led. In this week’s blog, I want to acknowledge that we have all had instances when we probably struggled with keeping our cup from running empty.

In John 7:37-38, Jesus said “Let anyone who is thirsty come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within them.” We have assurance from the Scripture that if we partner with The Lord, our cup will not run dry.

Each week there seems to be an element in my blog that points back to self-care and rightfully so because self-care is an act of self-love. The humbling truth about self-care is that it is broad-spectrum. It’s about balancing the different areas of our life. Daily, we are required to ‘pour’ – mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically, and financially. But how do we replenish what is in our cup?

Having knowledge is only part of the puzzle. How do I personally replenish week after week? As I go through my season of emptiness, who and what do I rely on? How do I pour when there is nothing left in myself to give?

We are human and it is natural for us to give and give and forget to check what is in our cup. I am honest and I am humble to turn to the source that never runs dry and allow Him to pour through me by personalizing the Word in my life.

“So I kneel humbly in awe before the Father of our Lord Jesus…And I pray that he would unveil within me the unlimited riches of his glory and favor until supernatural strength floods my innermost being with his divine might and explosive power. Then, by constantly using my faith, the life of Christ is released deep inside me, and the resting place of his love becomes the very source and root of my life. Then I am empowered to discover what every holy one experiences—the great magnitude of the astonishing love of Christ in all its dimensions. How deeply intimate and far-reaching is his love! How enduring and inclusive it is! Endless love beyond measurement that transcends my understanding—this extravagant love pours into me until I am filled to overflowing with the fullness of God!” – Ephesians 3:14,16-19.

“Never doubt God’s mighty power to work in you and accomplish all this. He will achieve infinitely more than your greatest request, your most unbelievable dream, and exceed your wildest imagination! He will outdo them all, for his miraculous power constantly energizes you.” – Ephesians 3:20

So as seen above, I rely on The Lord and you can too. He is my source! My encouragement is for you to:

• Cultivate the habit of checking “what’s in your cup.” Do not be taken by surprise when you are trying to pour from an empty cup.
• Acknowledge your limitations and do not attempt to pour what’s unavailable.
• Replenish daily – it prevents resentment and burn-out.
• Partner with The Almighty – we are not meant to walk alone.

Keeping your cup replenished has to be intentional. It is a conscious effort to exercise self-care because you have recognized that your mental, physical, spiritual health is valuable and ongoing. Rest, nourishment, exercises, laughter, prayers, relaxation, and friendships are all important and invaluable aspects of replenishing your cup.

Sometimes looking after yourself is the best gift you can give to others.

Happy B’day Andy!

Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. – Psalm 119:105

Stability in the Midst of Problems   

Michelle Matthias

Problems are a part of life. We cannot escape them. Problems are woven into the fabric of man’s sinful nature. Our automatic response is to go into problem-solving mode and correct what’s wrong. The ‘problem’ is that we are so limited in our capacity to fix all the problems around us and those we may face.

This week’s blog is intended for those who have experienced problems, are experiencing problems, or want to be prepared should they experience problems.

Let me start with some biblical points;

• Make your relationship with God your primary relationship. Rather than trying to fix everything, seek His way and ask Him to show you your way. If He is with you, you will not be intimidated by your problems and you will not be afraid because you will not be alone.

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” – Isaiah 41:10

• You will always face problems in this life. But more importantly, you will always have Christ with you, helping you to handle whatever you encounter. You must keep your mind firmly fixed on Him and He will guide you all the way.

“Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” – Isaiah 30:21

• Leave the outcomes to God. Follow Him wherever He leads. If your life takes you to a cliff, don’t you dare jump, be prepared to climb. Wait upon The Lord and stay in step with Him.

“I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.” – Psalm 27:13–14

• When we are faced with problems, it sometimes feels like God is silent or not with us. We can either panic or pray. We may not always get the answer we expect or want but He answers and His answers are right and His promises are sure.

“When they call on me, I will answer; I will be with them in trouble.” – Psalm 91:15

“The Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you” – Deuteronomy 31:6

• Sometimes your situations get worse before they get better but God has not and will never abandon you.

“Even if I go through the deepest darkness, I will not be afraid, Lord, for you are with me.” – Psalm 23:4

A few practical points when faced with problems;

• Acknowledge the problem
• Use your support system
• Choose positive coping skills
• Get an accountability partner
• Live in the moment
• Take care of yourself

Finally, nothing catches God by surprise, and nothing is too hard for Him to handle.

“So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” – 2 Corinthians 4:18

The Value of Success and Achievement  

Michelle Matthias

Has the societal push for success and achievement become a driving source of anxiety?

Achievement and the quest to be successful have become the top priority and in some cases an obsession for many in our fiercely competitive society. Daily, the bar seems to be raised and many are left with the question, “Is enough ever enough?”

For too many, life has become a “pressure cooker”. The drive to achieve and succeed has taken priority over our happiness, our rest, our relationships, our values, our virtues… Children, adolescents, college students, employees, entrepreneurs, managers, CEOs…no one is off-limits to the pressure to excel regardless of, against all odds. Sadly, our identity has become a reflection of our achievement even if this achievement is punctuated with depression and mental anguish.  “Die Trying” is the theme and/or the title of books and songs that encourage us to push hard for success or die trying. But is it worth dying for? 

Please understand, I do believe that success should be honored, but to categorize or equate “smarts” with core values of humanity is superficial. The value of kindness, virtue, respect, empathy should not be rebranded to represent less than a straight-A or being promoted. Success comes in many different forms and can be measured in different ways.

The issue is that our society has lopsidedly put so much emphasis on one form of success that we fail to acknowledge the legitimacy of other forms. For the most part, money has become the definition of success and achievement. After all, this is the quantitative metric by which we measure a company’s success. As per Wells Lucas Santos, “We are obsessed with the revenues, the profits, and the valuations, and more often than not, we solely gauge success on monetary achievements.”

Whether you are an athlete, musician, author, engineer, you name it, your recognition is linked to your quantitative achievements. Success and achievement are now measured by fame and wealth. This is the sort of success that we now value and chase in this present day. For example, a dedicated teacher who has instilled wisdom may not be regarded as successful as her student that went on to achieve and became wealthy. Have we then replaced the value of wisdom with wealth?

According to the CDC, more than 40 percent of American adults are struggling with mental health issues. The pandemic made it no easier. Our obsession with success and achievement is running us ragged. We are physically and mentally exhausted as we spread ourselves super thin. Our eyes have become fixated on success to the point where, unintentionally, we don’t care about core values like kindness, respect, and empathy. We have become narcissistic and competitive because those are the characters that are considered successful even if it means burn-out and crash.

Is the pressure to achieve and be successful amplifying your anxiety?

Are we being poisoned to kill ourselves over fame and fortune?

Being ambitious and having the drive and desire to succeed and achieve is good. But do not trade the value of success and achievement for the values of humanity – kindness, respect, virtue, empathy, gratitude. Having and holding on to these core values of humanity will help to keep you grounded and balanced, allowing you to see that success without peace of mind is meaningless and miserable. Ultimately, regardless of how you measure your success, it is meaningless without Christ.

“For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, but lose his soul?” – Mark 8:36

“Being kind and gentle refine our other good qualities; we shine more brilliantly and effortlessly .” – Michelle Matthias

Growth vs. Fixed: Mindsets and how they Shape our Lives 

Michelle Matthias

It is a fact that the way we think affects how we feel and essentially our lives. The way we think about our intellect and talents and abilities not only affects the way we feel but can also affect what we achieve and how we develop new skills.

Psychologist Dr. Carol Dweck of Stanford University was the first to describe the growth mindset. In her ground-breaking research, Dweck investigated why some people fail and others succeed. 

A growth mindset means that you believe your intelligence and talents can be developed over time, whereas, a fixed mindset means that you believe intelligence is fixed—so if you’re not good at something, you might believe that you’ll never be good at it. 

Simply put, a growth mindset means that people believe their intelligence and talents can be improved through effort and actions. They also recognize that setbacks are a necessary part of the learning process and that setbacks can also serve to motivate since they are oftentimes temporary and changeable. A growth mindset is crucial for learning, resilience, motivation, and performance.

A fixed-minded person usually avoids challenges in life, gives up easily, and becomes intimidated or threatened by the success of other people because they see intelligence as who you ‘are’ and not a talent that can be developed.

Below is a diagram from Mindset Health that captures the summary of Dweck’s study;

So in a nutshell, a growth mindset is associated with a positive outlook on growth and accomplishments and a fixed mindset is more associated with a negative outlook that sees hindrances and limitations based on our abilities and intelligence.

Am I in full agreement? Yes, totally. To segue and possibly go off tangent, I do respect and agree with the findings and science behind the study, but I also believe that from a faith/spiritual perspective (which the study does not address), it is okay to have both mindsets – without a negative connotation being associated with the fixed mindset. I embrace a growth mindset in my life and Christian walk, however, I have a fixed mindset when it comes to reasoning about who God is. This might be unrelatable to some but it is significant to me. So my mindset is fixed about who God is but in my walk and worship and my life I do embrace a growth mindset.

Most importantly, each day that we live should be approached with a mindset of gratitude, curiosity, goals to be achieved, kindness to self and others, patience and possibilities, focus, and the willingness to grow beyond preconceived limits.

Now unto Him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us. – Ephesians 3:20-21

Sometimes you will have to take a detour but you will still get there; standing at the blockage gets you no further – Michelle Matthias

Extending Love, Grace, and Compassion To Yourself

Michelle Matthias

“Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them, humanity cannot survive. “ Dalai Lama

As a follow-up to my blog on Self Empowerment, I figured that touching on the topic of Extending Love, Grace, and Compassion to Yourself would be a good next step.

Oftentimes many of us take for granted how changeable our thought patterns are. It is also more likely for our thoughts to get fixated on the negative – “I’m so fat,” “I’m not a loving spouse,” “I’m not very smart,” “Everyone else is happier than me.”

Living in a society that is filled with media stereotypes of perfection and the not so subtle messages in which love and acceptance require visible accomplishments – perfect body, high income, fashionable clothes, scaling the career ladder, must-have car, having the right friends, can create thought patterns of being inferior if we believe that we are falling short of these ‘norms’.

But as I have said before, PERFECTION is a MYTH. Only GOD is PERFECT!

So having set the record straight once again, let’s shift into the essence of this week’s blog. How do we extend love, grace, and compassion to our ‘perfectly’ ‘imperfect’ self?

As stated in the blog on Self Empowerment, start by partnering with the truth and speak that truth out loud.

Are you happy to be alive? Do you believe that you are fearfully and wonderfully made?

If so, declare it. Try it now by speaking it – “despite my shortcomings, I LOVE MYSELF AND I AM GRATEFUL TO BE ALIVE.”

Extending love, grace, and compassion to yourself start when you change your negative narrative thus quieting the inner critic. The goal should not be for perfection but through your efforts of self-love, acceptance, never-ending grace, and compassion, you will be able to gain inner peace and strength.

So if efforts of self-love, grace, and compassion create a byproduct of inner peace, isn’t it worth your focus? What are some things we can do to love ourselves a little better? How can we extend grace and compassion to ourselves?

1. Think and Speak kindly to Yourself. This is a great place to start. Your words are incredibly powerful, and if you continuously tell yourself you’re unworthy, you’ll start believing it and acting like it. Negative self-talk does not make you a bad person but it is a bad choice.
2. Respect Yourself. Self-respect is valuing yourself for who you are, and not allowing others to dictate your value. It’s trusting yourself, thinking for yourself, knowing for yourself. It is also refusing to compare yourself to others.
3. Stop Comparing Yourself. We are trained by societal standards to be competitive, so comparing ourselves to others is natural. But it can be dangerous and it hinders us from being kind and supportive to ourselves.
4. Forgive Yourself. Forgive yourself for mistakes that you have made. Unforgiveness hinders love and healing. Forgiveness is a vital part of extending love, grace, and compassion to yourself. We all make mistakes. “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God.” Romans 3:23
5. Care for Yourself. Carve out time to do things that you truly enjoy. Society today tells us over and over to, do more, make more, be more. But what makes you happy? What makes you joyful and uplifted? Don’t feel guilty, you deserve some of that too and that is loving and caring for yourself.
6. Express Gratitude. A feeling of gratitude is a very powerful and essential part of love, grace, and self-compassion. Rather than wishing for what you do not have, there is strength in appreciating what you do have, right now. You can express gratitude through prayer and reverence to God, by journaling and listing your blessings, by taking gratitude walks…
7. Be Your Best Advocate. You are extending love, grace, and compassion when you lean into your strengths. Seize opportunities with confidence when they are presented. Being doubtful and fearful about your capabilities is a disservice to self.
8. Accept Yourself. It does not mean that you are settling or that you are perfect. It means that you are happy to work with what you’ve got right where you are at. Let your flaws become your flavor. Accept yourself as you are. You have strengths, and you have weaknesses. Sometimes you succeed, and sometimes you fail. Sometimes you’re right, and sometimes you’re wrong. But be kind and compassionate even when you are correcting yourself.

Of course, the list goes on, but I think you have gotten the gist. By extending love, grace, and compassion to ourselves we are simply giving to ourselves the everyday kindness, courtesies, and mercies that we offer to others as a simple act of humanity. You also deserve this from yourself. Don’t forget to extend love, grace, and compassion to yourself.

“Life’s greatest opportunity for growth comes when you give fertile ground to that which is positive.” – Michelle Matthias

Reflection

Michelle Matthias

Reflection is a personal process that can deepen one’s understanding of self and can lead to significant discoveries and insights.

To put it simply ‘reflection‘ means to think about something.

As we enter this Easter week, I believe it is an opportune time for reflection on the incredible gift Jesus gave us when He gave His life on the cross.

As I look to the cross as if looking in a mirror, it has caused me to pause for serious consideration, pondering, and musing. What is the reflection that I am seeing?

A reflection that the cross represents love, sacrifice, and humility – “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” John 3:16

A reflection that the cross represents victory over sin – “The next day John saw Jesus coming toward him and said, “Look, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world!” John 1:29

A reflection that the cross represents victory over guilt – “So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.” Romans 8:1

A reflection that the cross represents victory over shame – “Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.” 2 Corinthians 5:17

A reflection that the cross represents victory over fear – “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us.” 1 John 2:18-19

A reflection that the cross represents victory over sickness – “But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes, we are healed.” Isaiah 53:5

A reflection that the cross represents victory over temptation – “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13

A reflection that the cross represents victory over death – “Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live.” John 11:25

Thanks to the ‘Jesus: Our Banner of Victory Devotional’ for some of the above points. These points of reflection have not only given me an internal perspective but it has also given me an eternal perspective.

These reflections have emboldened me to fight against fear and failure because when you understand who you are meant to be, your purpose becomes bigger than your fears. Grasping this is liberating. It allows those who believe to find peace and to tap into their strengths.

So if you are reading this blog, I invite you during this Easter season to:

• Make time for quiet reflection through meditation, prayer, spending time in nature, practicing gratitude.
• You are the only one who truly knows you. Love yourself and others will follow.
• Be thankful for what you have. Count your blessings and name them. By doing so, you are acknowledging and appreciating what you have and this helps you to combat the feeling of being incomplete and unsatisfied.
• Be positive, not perfect. Nothing and no one is perfect. High standards have their place, but be kind to yourself.
• Look into the mirror and tell yourself that you’ve made it this far in life and you’re not going to let anything or anyone put you down.
• Life is precious. Live each day with intentionality.
• Every time you pass a mirror or a reflection of yourself, give yourself a compliment and a little smile.

Why all this reflection stuff?

Reflection helps us to develop our understanding more deeply and to make our intuitive knowledge shareable with others. By reflecting we can grow and develop our emotional, intellectual, spiritual…understanding and wellbeing more deeply. So, it is continued growth and development that hopefully helps us to live a more authentic and fulfilled life.

As in water face reflects face, so the heart of man reflects the man. – Proverbs 27:19