Author: PavAdmin

So, I’m Vulnerable …

Posted on by PavAdmin

 

 

 

So, I’m Vulnerable …

Michelle Matthias

 

One of the most prominent writers on the subject of vulnerability is Brené Brown. In her book, Daring Greatly, Brené Brown describes vulnerability as “uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.” She explains that it’s that unstable feeling we get when we step out of our comfort zone or do something that forces us to loosen control. Dr. Brown’s book debunks some myths about vulnerability, the most popular being that vulnerability is a sign of weakness.

 

It is on that note that I write today because, yes, I’ve embarked on a journey that makes me feel vulnerable but certainly not weak. In fact, my vulnerability has made me determined and resilient, giving me renewed courage and hope that embracing God’s will is the only way forward. If you allow me to define the vulnerability that I am feeling, it would be “pulling back my curtains and embracing my truths, my fears, yes, my fears and daring to tap into my creativity while holding on to authenticity.” 

 

Each week, as I prepare to write this blog, my natural instinct is to avoid being vulnerable but truthfully it’s the embracing of my vulnerability that has led me to this point. So what’s my takeaway this week?

 

Vulnerability is/can be a sign of strength, not weakness. You may feel insecure and may try to avoid situations that make you feel exposed. Our hands may become sweaty and there may be anxiety. We may feel a great need to be self-protective but heck, who is perfect? I’m not perfect. No one is perfect. It’s about showing up and being the best version of myself. It’s about letting go of the perfectionist traits and the impossible ideals. It’s being okay with who I am and what I have to offer without overthinking how I’ll be critiqued.

 

Brené Brown in Rising Strong says it perfectly “Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage,”

 

So the takeaway is:

  • Redefine vulnerability- see it as strength and courage
  • Be aware that it may be uncomfortable but you can rise above it
  • Become honest with yourself, recognize what you feel, accept what you think, but remind yourself that exposure is necessary for growth
  • Accept vulnerability. Your ability to be okay with vulnerability will bring exponential results and personal joy – ‘I did it!’
  • Enjoy and embrace the freedom of being you on the path that you are called to walk.

 

So we can confidently say, “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?” Hebrews 13:6

 

 

Empowerment Coach

Michelle Matthias

If you allow me to define the vulnerability that I am feeling, it would be “pulling back my curtains and embracing my truths, my fears, yes, my fears and daring to tap into my creativity while holding on to authenticity.”   – Michelle Matthias

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What is Love – during COVID-19?

Posted on by PavAdmin

 

What Is Love – during the COVID-19 pandemic?

April 25, 2020 – By Michelle Matthias
The Bible says, 1 Corinthians 13:4-5: “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.”
Simply put, love cares. Love cares too deeply to not care about the what, where, when, why, who, and how of our loved ones. We all have our unique personality traits but those traits are not game stoppers in the face of love.
As we navigate the pandemic, we are faced with realities that are often times sidelined in our marriages. As we shelter in place we are forced to look at issues that we would rather not face but are forced to deal with. We are compelled to pause not only for the pandemic but to review the internal operations of our life, our marriages, our homes, our relationship with God.
The pandemic pause has pushed us to look at our plans and preparedness for the future. One of the incentives of being a Christian is knowing that God has prepared a place for us where we will spend eternity free from suffering. Love cares! Love makes us want to face our realities even in painful situations.
The norm for most couples is that their typical workweek is spent apart. Now as we pause and shelter in place we are required to spend all day, all week, and the weekends together. Added to this new routine are many new realities that must be dealt with. Working from home and navigating new demands, the threat of unemployment, complexities of simple grocery shopping, homeschooling, meal preparation, missing significant milestones, lack of socialization, keeping the family safe and healthy, and dealing with the anxieties of seeing death all around with no room to grieve. The picture of future uncertainty is now very visible.
So as we shelter in, there may be a tendency to naturally embrace our coping mechanisms. One spouse may want to jump on all the pending home projects; the other would rather stay under a blanket all day. One spouse may think that they need to see and hear all the news about the pandemic; the other may think that avoiding the news and maintaining a regular routine is what is best. One may see this as a blessing for their relationship; the other sees it as a curse. Our approach to coping during the pandemic may be different because we deal with stress differently. This can create an atmosphere of indifference and undue strain on marriages.
Creating a new normal that offers balance to each individual is important. If all one spouse wants to talk about is their to-do list, and what ‘we’ need to do, and hoarding more groceries, and sanitizing our hands every five minutes….having such conversations nonstop, day after day could make the pause into a prison.
Tips for creating balance
  • Talk about feelings and anxieties/listen without judgment and justification
  • Talk about a succession plan for each. Morbid as it is, it should be done. Have a will, and talk about finances
  • Set time aside to deal with conflicts and or concerns
  • Allow breathing space for each other
  • Have a plan for the division of tasks/responsibilities
  • Intimacy – still important, date night and showing of affection gives reassurance and reinforces a sense of security
  • Exercise – gardening or going for a walk breaks the monotony/routine
  • Take time for self-care, get out of the pj’s
  • Use available platforms to stay in touch with others
  • Embrace a hobby
  • Spend time in prayer and set aside time to attend services that are streamed electronically
  • Embrace the present and be hopeful for the future full of blessings.
Love cares. Care for your spouse with love!

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